Thursday, August 09, 2007

the journey so far

genap hari ni, aku merayakan (klu la boleh dipanggil "merayakan") 2 bulan aku melalui kepatahan jiwa. alhamdulillah. aku masih hidup, dan masih meneruskan kehidupan aku. along the way, beberapa kali aku tersungkur, bt i manage utk bangkit semula dr kejathan itu. tks a lot to everyone around me yg xputus2 giving me the strength

im doing better now. aku dh mampu tersenyum, mampu ketawa walaupun aku xpasti hati aku ni masih hidup atau dh mati pn. kdg2 aku leh je wat mcm xde perasaan. kosong je. cuma lately, im slowly recovering

aku xtipu. there are times aku rs sunyi sgt eventhough ramai org keliling aku. i miss the ompanion sebenarnya. i miss having sumone that i cn share everything. even the stupidest thing. mmg kwn2 ada kan klu nk share pape. tapi xknla everytime pn ko nk kene sms derang, call derang bila u cam accrosss sth yg kau rasa nk share. mcm xde life la plak kn

ada sekali tu i encountered sth yg i rs nk share. i ws watching cheryl samad nye VC on tv and aku tetiba sengih sorg2. aku rs cm nk gtau sumone yg aku tgh tgk cheryl on tv when only i realized afterwards, aku nk share ngn sape sbnanye? and there's one time aku rs low sgt. aku lmbt masuk keje, my hair was a mess (aku xsikat rambut g ofis. bley?) n i had a very bad day aritu. tp aku realized, aku xde sape2 nk share.tu la kekosongn yg aku rasa skang

bt for me to isi kekosongn tu, aku rs mcm xready lg. im afraid i wont be fair to that next person. dia hanya akan dapat half of the person i used to be, sbb the other half was taken away when my ex left me. and im afraid dia hanya akan jadi another reboud. cukup2 la aku buat mistake tu dulu. it really hurts to hurt sumone else sebenarnye, to tell them that u dun actually love them all these while. serious sakit. tunggu la. let me put my life together back, then baru la pk kut

the last time my heart was broken, it took me 3 years to recover. 3 years, with 2 rebounds and thousands of mistakes along the way. smp aku terfikir, perlu ke aku lalui proses tu semula? kdg2 aku terfikir, dun i deserve to be happy? aku xdserve ke to be in a realtionship that last forever rather than relationship yg xpenah smp setahun usianya. maybe it is fated kut. it is my destiny.

maka kesimpuannye, maybe i'll be involved in more relationship before i reach 30 years old compared to J Lo. hehe. motif nk disamakan ngn JLO?


Anonymous said...

hye payid,
i went thru d same phase too recently, so bad to d extent dat i thought i cud nvr love someone else d way dat i loved her.. it was very painful, i cried my heart out.. but along d way i learn to let go, coz clinging to something that i wasn't even sure whether it'll come back or not, in other words, waiting for her to realize her mistakes, was like lying to myself (she had an affair with her ex when she was having a relationship with me, and god knows how many times she kantoi, but still i gave her chance to redeem herself, but she didnt appreciate it at all).. deep down i know she wouldnt change, so during our few years together, i was pretending like everything is okay, pujuk diri seniri, until one day i jz couldnt take it anymore.. it has been a long 6 months, n now im learning to love myself more, to open up and luckily, ive found someone that really really care for me and she helps me to go thru all this.. im not sure whether im ready for a new relationship yet, but i do know now dat im not afraid to love and be loved once again.. you shudnt put ur faith away from love, coz love can be painful, but it also can be d cure to ur heartache, jz dont lose hope in love eh.. =)

dian said...

bawak bersabar
it such a painful bila ada kengkawan keciwa but what more can we do ?
semoga kau mendapat yang lebih baik dr sebelum sebelum ni
hold urself up ya !