losing my grip

aku xtau nape, lately aku rasa mcm fed up ngn keje aku. not that keje yg aku buat ni susah or im being under paid (well, i used to work like hell not was not even paid pon). it's juz dat i felt so demotivated these days

masa memula keja dlu, mmg sgt bersemangat skali. i work my ass off to reach those targets. i even managed to achieve it during my first month kat sini which is sth i cud be proud of la coz some of them yg bertahun kat sini pon didn't manage to do so. my TL even told me my achivemt was waaayyy beyond expectation. boley? well, those were the days la kan

bt after more than 6 mths busting my ass, achiving even higher target every mth, i got fed up already. aku mula terasa yg aku mmg kerja sbb nk duit saje. i somehow forgot abt my main role kat sini, which is helping those ppl in need. mmg keji bila aku mmg sekadar buat keje aku je and offer nothing else beyond that. yes i know. i shud be ashamed of myself

maybe it all started when i still dun get what i want, what i think i deserve. see, i ws told when i initially join this comp, in 6 mths time if i perform well, the comp will offer me a permanenent position. well, i dun mean to brag ke hape. bt i did achive the required target all 6 mths in a row. i ws one of the best performer in my team. and now nak masuk bulan ke tujuh, still no news either frm my HR dept nor my former employer. even worse, i didnt even sign any contract renewal with my former employer pon, which according to my collegue kat sini kira "normal practice" sbb "kelly services mmg lembab pon"

so now here i am, feeling soooo demotivated and hanya bekerja separuh hati saje lately. i think some of my cust can even tell my monotonous 'ada apa2 lagi yg boleh saya bantu' which actually screams betapa xikhlasnye aku meng'offer' tuh. im juz saying juz because i hv to, or else aku KPI aku xmeet. bley? and i notice dat i easily lose my temper as well. klu dpt cust yg sengal2 ni mula la my tone tetiba bunyi mcm sgt pissed off. and i ws so unlucky when one of my boss baru2 ni found out abt it when she listened to the call monitoring. langsung aku kana sound ngn TL aku, next time dun be harsh to ur custs. damn!

well, i hope dlm masa terdekat ni, i'm gonna get the gd news. or else, i hv to find other way to keep me motivated before i lose my job. sheesh...

**dlm kepala otak aku ni keeps on playing lagu "sejak ku berteum padamu' sbb td aku assist sorg cust yg bernama sanisah. haiyoh....