the substitute

i was a member of the basketball team when i ws in high school. i ws just a substitute player, bt im proud to be a part of the team. i always have. it ws a great honour to be playing with the rest of the team and each time, aku menyarung jersi num 7 itu, i always felt like a rush of blood menyerbu ke muka. i ws proud

aku cuma akn diturunkan utk menentang forward player yg bermain kasar. tugas aku utk setiap game adalah utk memaksa team lawan utk foul, kalau boleh smp dibuang court. itu saja tugas aku. aku bukan captain. i ws never a starting member. there were times yg aku hanya duduk di substitute bench saje, tanpa turun langsung ke gelangggang. bt i always gv my very best to the team. i dedicate my everythg to it. i dun mind the pain of the long hours training, or the sacrifices i hv to make for the team. it's all abt the team. semuanya demi kejayaan team itu

and when i ws in my senior year, that ws the first time kami layak ke peringkat kebangsaan. kali pertama sejak sekolah itu dibuka. the whole school ws proud of us. and im proud to be part of the success as well. im proud to be one of the players to represent the school at the national tournament. or so i thot

then, sumhow, we were doomed. ketika semua org belum abis meraikan kejayaan kami, ketika badan masih memakai jersi yg dibasahi peluh sambil memegang trofi, 2 of our members break the news yg terus menukar mood kami. the captain and the small forward decided not to join us on the national level. perjuangan mereka bersama kami terhenti setakat itu, as they are joining the scout's national jamboree yg kebetulan akn dibuat pada tarikh yg sama dgn national tournament

the whole team ws crushed. my coach ws dissapointed. and i ws angry. they were dissapointed as both of them were the best player we hv in the team. they were the star players. the one that everybody count on. i ws angry, as i think they were so selfish. they put theirselves first before the team, which ws against the team's principle.

bt we moved on, walaupon hati masing2 pedih. semangat masing2 mula tercalar. we managed to find another 2 players and we start practicing back in no time. we practiced everyday, until everybody were worn out. everybody ws aching, and in pain frm the intense training. we practice hard, dan impian kami semua ketika itu, is to make the whole school proud of us masa national tornament nnt.

and each one of us sacrifices everythg that we hv for the team, including our studies. when everybody ws studying, we were already in the court after school. at nite, when evryone else ws studying, were were too tired to even stay awake. at that time there were 12 members in the team. 10 of us are sitting for SPM. 5 out of 10 of us were doing badly in class. myself included. we were even called to the principle's room. each of us were given a warning. if we did not perform in the coming trial exam, we wont be allowed to play at the national level. and that ws the biggest fear for the 5 of us. eheh

so we were juggling between practice and study. the former captain and the small forward who turned their back on us earlier were having their own sweet time. they nvr show up at practice anymore.

until the most awaited moment akhirnya muncul juga. and 1 week before the tournament, we found out the jamboree yg budak berdua tu nk pegi earlier was cancelled. and now the 2 of them wont have anythg else to do on the tournament day. bt we hv enuff members already. secara prinsipnya, to hell with them la kan. xkan mau masukkan derang balik ke dlm team padahal awlnya derang yg tinggalkan team. well, i ws wrong

my coach senyap2 masih memberikan peluang kepada both of them ketika itu, without us knowing pon. even ketika kami bertolak ke SP for the national tournament, kami masih xtau. dan akhirnya, mlm sebelum tournament itu, entah dari mana the former captain itu tetiba muncul juga. the small forward ws nowhere aroud. we were shocked. the whole team ws reliefed as they thot their saviour has finally came. my coach ws smiling, bt i ws still angry. aku marah kerana dgn semudah itu, mereka semua memaafkan dia. tp katanya pon semgt berpasukan. so i kept my mouth shut frm voicing out ketidak puasan hati aku

dan the consequences of the captain membuat comeback itu, sombedy else ws also affected. kami dah cukup team member ketika itu. hanya 12 org sahaja yg didaftarkan sbg team member, and there were 13 of us at that time, tks to the captain la kan. so my coach decided utk 'merehatkan' seorg dpd team itu. seorg itu tidak akn bermain langsung utk tournament itu, xkan didaftarkan sbg player, xkan menyarung jersi dan xkan duduk di bangku pemain. seorg dpd kami akan di sia2kan usahanya selama beberapa bulan itu. seorg dr kami telah mengorbankan seluruh kehidupannya sbg student dgn sia2

dan org itu adalah aku. aku telah 'direhatkan' oleh coach demi memberi peluang kepada captain aku utk bermain. aku telah dipaksa menyerahkan jersi aku kepada captain. dan ketika detik jersi bernombor 7 itu bertukar tangan, aku merasakan seluruh hati aku hancur berderai. segala pengorbanan aku disia2kan mcm tu je. aku dah hilang segalanya. impian aku berkecai dgn sekelip mata dan semudah itu saja

mlm itu, air mata aku mengalir laju tanpa henti. seluruh episod hidup aku ats gelanggang basketball itu seolah2 ditayangkan tanpa henti depan mata aku. dan episod itu terhenti mlm itu. terhenti bila jersi itu bertukar tangan

keesokan hari ketika hari tournament bermula, aku demam teruk. mungkin akibat berendam air mata sepjg mlm kut. kalah org frust bercinta nih. dan seperti yg dijangka, aku ditempatkan di bangku penonton, bersama dgn org2 yg lain. aku tidak diiktiraf sbg pemain. dan kepada kwn2 aku yg lain, aku bg alasan aku dmm teruk, jd aku xdpt main. hakikatnya aku xdpt main, sbb tu aku dm teruk kan. eheh

and to watch them play frm the spectators seat membuatkan hati aku lebih hancur. itulah impian aku selama 5 tahun aku dlm team basketball itu. impian utk menyarung jersi sekolah dan bermain di peringkat kebangsaaan. impian itu terbentang di depan mata aku, namun direntap mcm tu je. so close, yet so far apart

ironically, walaupon tujuan mereka menerima captain semula ke dlm team dan mengorbankan aku ialah utk memastikan kejayaan team kami, hakikatnya, we didnt win any single match. kami sekadar pasukan belasahan kepada gergasi2 bola keranjang yg dah bertahun2 pengalamannya di peringkat kebangsaan. bt frm that point of time, i learnt my lesson. aku sedar demi kepentingan sebuah team, we are expected to be willing to make sacrifces. it's never abt u, it's always abt the team. kau harus korbankan segalanya, termasuk memberikan peluang kepada pemain yg lebih baik demi menjamin kejayaan team.

dan seorg substitute player tidak mungkin setanding dgn seorg captain. meskipon substitute itu tidak pernah miss practice dan captain itu tidak penah turun practice langsung. kegigihan tidak menjamin apa2, kalau kau tidak setanding dgn pemain terbaik itu. u are expected to gv way to the better player. kau hanya akn dicari dan digunakan bila perlu sahaja. when u r not needed, u r expected to leave

if u want to hv it all, stop being the pathetic substitute